And another one bites the dust

Looks like I'm out this month - AF joyfully (not) arrived on Monday at CD37.  Not happy Jan - no 2011 baby for me now...  

This time 3 years ago, I was pregnant.  I really hope I'm pregnant again before the anniversary of when I lost my twins in June.

Going to head to the chemist on the weekend and get me some Vitex as suggested by Tee - these long irregular cycles are annoying (and a huge head fuck!!!).

The eating and exercise plan is going well so far this week (on like, day 3...).  I haven't had one coffee, or any junk food at all so far - no small feat, although I can't say I haven't missed that morning coffee...  I've been to the gym every day so far this week.  On Monday I did Zumba and Body Pump.  On Tuesday I did Power Yoga.  I got up extra early this morning and fit in Hatha Yoga before work.  Tomorrow I'm doing a boxing class.  Let me tell you, I'm discovering muscles I had long forgotten about, but it's good to feel that again.

I just hope that this hard work reflects on the scales on Sunday, and that losing this weight will give me that baby that I have wanted for so long.

On another note...

I'm now CD36 and my Sydney Boy was wrong with his prediction - still no AF.  I caved and tested last week at CD31 (I think) and it was a BFN.

If no AF by Friday I'll do another HPT, and if that's still a BFN I will be going to the doctor for a blood test to see, at the very least, whether I've even ovulated yet.

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

On my way to getting that baby...

I weighed myself today on the Wii Fit and I was very happy to see that I've lost 2.5kg since I last weighed myself.  I'm very happy to have discovered this, even though the last time I weighed myself was a month ago, so it's a very slow weightloss.  That said, I'm still pretty happy with it when I consider I haven't done any exercise, and up until the end of last week, although I was eating somewhat healthily most of the time, there was still room for improvement (read: 3pm sugar binges and sometimes skipping breakky).

I bought Michelle Bridges' Crunchtime Cookbook on Wednesday night which I'm super impressed with.  It's got lots of great info in it as well as a 12 week meal plan with recipes for every meal, where all the meals are simple, don't take much time to prepare and I don't have to go to some obscure shop in the middle of Timbucktoo to find some of the ingredients.

Needless to say, since Thursday, I've been eating only meals from the book and I have to say I'm really enjoying it.  I've never really been shown how to eat healthy like this before.  Growing up, my grandmother used to cook the same old mashed potato and pumpkin, carrots and meat every night, and when mum cooked, it would mostly be something out of a cardboard box from the freezer.  If mum did make a salad, it was always a very boring iceberg lettuce, cheese and tomato sort of salad which always left me feeling hungry which never really inspired me to want to eat salads.

I also managed to score a month's membership at the V Club for $30 which I thought was the Universe telling me that there is no time like the present to get this weight off me in the hope that this is what is holding me back in the baby-stakes.

My first visit was Thursday night (I didn't waste any time) and I went to a belly dancing class - let me just say, I had forgotten how uncoordinated I am!!!!

Anyway, tomorrow is D-Day, the official start day for smashing both my eating habits and my exercise habits.  I'm hoping to go to the Cycle class (if there are enough bikes, because I'm only on a trial pass, I can't book them!) and then follow that by the Body Pump class.  I know that's a lot and to be honest I'm not even sure I'll be able to manage it, but it's the only way I can get to all the classes in the week.

I WILL get that baby.  Maybe not this year now, but that doesn't mean I can't have a 2012 baby...

The 2ww and then some...

Just a quick update from me (I should be studying but am once again, procrastinating!!)...

I'm now CD29 and AF hasn't arrived.  Looks like it's going to be a long month this month again.  Just when I thought I had the patterns down pat, and figured out, last month I thought it was going to be a long month and turned out to be a 29 day cycle.  This month, I thought it was going to be a short month and looks like it's going to be a long month.

I try not to symptom spot but as those who have been through the tww will know, it's fucking hard.  Take Friday for example, walking along the street and my arm that is up holding my handbag on my shoulder bumps my boob as I brush past people and I think, "hmmm that nipple feels a little sore, how do I 'feel' myself up in public without actually looking like I'm intentionally touching my boobs?".  My nipples are VERY sore at the moment and I wish I could say that this must mean I'm UTD, but as we all know, the symptoms for pregnancy and AF are so similar, it's hard (if not impossible) to tell them apart.

DP has predicted that AF will arrive on Tuesday.  He seems to be more accurate than the BOM (Bureau of Meteorology in case you weren't sure), so I guess we'll see...

Operation: Back on Track

So, I've given my healthy eating for a baby plan a name - Operation: Back on Track.

Last week I was really proud of myself.  I had increased my water intake (from nothing to 750ml bottle) and had managed to have a salad every day for lunch.  The salad consisted of baby spinach leaves, chick peas, 3 beans, 1/4 avocado, some grape tomatoes and small tin of tuna & sweet corn & mayo (yes I know it's not entirely healthy, but it's a start yeah?!).  I made sure I had veges for dinner every night and fought the urge to have some of those hot chips on Sydney Boy's plate... OK OK , so I confess I did steal a couple off his plate... but still... a good effort nonetheless...

I also started eating breakfast and packed plenty of fruit with me which I usually devoured by lunch time (whoops).  I stopped drinking my lattes, in the (probably false) hope that the increase of water less the caffeine to dehydrate me would be better...

Sometimes it was easy to stave off those 3pm sugar lows because I'd ask myself whether I wanted the junk food or the baby more.  The baby won out every time... obviously.  The problem is that I'd forgotten how easy it can be to get junk without even thinking about it once you're back in the habit of it.  So, some days I did really well, and other days I failed.

This week started off well - I chose to stay in the office and eat my salad instead of going outside for the meat pie I had craved (yes, thanks work mate for making the smell waft through the office!), although today I didn't leave enough time this morning to pack lunch and then at lunch, I couldn't get cash out of the ATM because it was down and I didn't know where the next closest one was, nor could I find anywhere I could get a salad sandwich or just a salad where I could EFTPOS it so I had to go to Coles and get a frozen pasta meal.  Although it's not McDonalds, so it was healthier in that respect, I had been trying to avoid eating carbs, especially in the afternoon.

It was our anniversary yesterday so we went out for Outback Jacks for dinner and I had ribs which were yummy... but not healthy...

On the upside, we did have some pretty hot BD'ing last night and I did have some EWCM today so fingers crossed that we catch the egg this month...  I'm not monitoring my cycles at the moment to see whether they shorten when not being watched (going with the kettle doesn't boil while you're watching it theory...) so I'm not exactly sure whether I should be ovulating around now or what... I assume I'll find out at some point...

So that's me... trying to eat healthy for baby, trying not to keep track of where I'm at in my cycle to conceive baby, hoping for a baby soon...

So, maybe we need more practising?

Well, I dunno, but AF arrived at CD29 on Sunday so I'm assuming that's what the universe thinks... I'm sure my Sydney Boy is up for the continual 'practising'...

I feel like part of what might be holding me back is my weight.  Since May last year, I have put on 13kg.  It's sickening.  The worst part is that it was such a slow progression that it's only 13 kilos later that I've gone "hey, wait the fuck up, there's something wrong here".  I know it sounds silly and I know that any excuse that I can come up with will be just that... an excuse... so I won't even bother.

Even though I know that losing weight might help my chances with falling pregnant, some days I just have no will power.  My sweet tooth is just really strong, there's no fighting it.  Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I don't remember how to fight it.  I'm really disappointed in myself for having put on so much weight when I'd just lost all that weight the year before.

I know that I can lose the weight again, but it's really hard, especially with a partner who doesn't eat vegetables and fruit, who would be happy to eat chips every night.  Sure he offers me the alternative of veges, but they just don't taste the same when he's sitting across from me munching on chips.  Yes, it's an excuse I know and I'm full of them.

The thing is we don't eat that unhealthily overall but I can see room for improvement.  Take today for example.  This is what I've eaten (which resembles a somewhat ordinary day):

Breakfast: coffee with skim milk and an egg sandwich (on brown bread, no butter)
Snack: 5 dates
Lunch: left overs from dinner last night: 'casserole' with chicken, sausage (only 1), red capsicum, beans, carrot, canned tomatoes, mushroom and onion
Snack: (the only really naughty food for the day) Cherry Ripe and skinny chai latte
Dinner: Meatloaf with garlic bread and roast potato.
Dessert: 1 jelly cup of weight watchers jelly with a cup of fruit.

So, it's not entirely unhealthy (well not the biggest loser unhealthy anyway...) but it's not exactly healthy either...

I've been thinking about taking the chromium tablets again to curb the sugar cravings, but then I worry that the last time I was taking them I got pregnant and had a miscarriage.  I don't know for sure that the chromium tablets didn't have anything to do with the miscarriage - maybe they did - and I don't really want to take that risk again.

I'd really like to go back to a personal trainer again - that seemed to make life much easier, even the eating was easier because I had someone to answer to - but it's just not an option right now, at least not for a few more months anyway.

So, anyone got any tips on the weight loss without a personal trainer? How to stay motivated? Healthy recipes WITHOUT VEGES (yeah right) or at least advice on how the heck I can possibly enjoy the 'healthy food' while my other half sits across the table eating junk?

Strategy to prevent early testing

 I want you all to do something for me... Go and get all of your HPTs that you have in the house before you read further... I'll wait here until you've got them all...

......

C'mon, how long does it take? Surely you don't have *that* many?

.....

OK, OK, maybe you do?

......

Right, are you back yet?

......

OK, now that you've got them, I want you to put them in the furtherest corner of the room from you and STEP AWAY SLOWLY FROM THE HPTS.

Do not look at the HPTs - if you do, you may hear such things as "pick me up and use me". You do not want that. Trust me. Once you hear those voices, it's all over for you.

When your DP/DH comes home, I want you to give him the tests. I'd suggest cotton wool or ear plugs to avoid hearing those voices again.

Get your calendar out, and choose a date, about a week from now... c'mon, you can do it...

Now, for the fun part... a game of hide and go seek, well minus the seeking part...

Go take a long relaxing bath - you deserve to relax after all..

Mean while DP/DH is to hide all of your testers - no peaking!!!! Here's my hot tip for him: somewhere up high, or where you'd never think to look for it... Tell him to be as creative as he can possibly be

Make sure you tell your DP/DH the date you chose (NO CHEATING!!!!).

DP/DH can then get the tests out on your 'special date' if AF has not arrived. Give DP/DH your credit cards or any methods you may use should you be tempted by HPTs in the shops...

Become a recluse for the next week to avoid the temptation to buy more HPTs...

And make sure you tie yourself to the bed, or the couch or somewhere in the house that will prevent you from searching high and low for those hidden HPTs...

And if all else fails, continually chant, "If I'm pregnant today, I'll be pregnant tomorrow/the day after/next week. If I'm not, let me live in blissful ignorance until AF arrives..."

Trust me... it works...  so well in fact that two months ago, DP hid the remaining 2 testers and because AF arrived early last month, no testing was required.  This month I've had a lot of pain 'down there'.  In one of my moments of hopefulness, I contemplated testing in the hope that maybe it was my uterus stretching (yeah right).  

But, guess what? DP can't remember where he hid the testers.  He's not lying because he's a bad liar and I can tell when he is lying.  He really has forgotten where he put them.

So, no early testing... (CD28 isn't even until Friday anyway...)

See? It really does work!