In the beginning

Someone once said that you won't know where you're going until you know where you've been.  I guess that is why, so you will understand where I am and where I'm going, I should first explain where I have been.


I always wanted to be a mum, even when I was younger.  I used to think that by the time I was 21 I would be married and have a baby, or at least be pregnant.  I'm now 25 and sometimes feel as though I'm no closer now to this than when I first thought this.  Of course I know that I've got plenty of time up my sleeve, but it's the waiting that just feels so hopeless.  


I've almost had it a couple of times, and I've been incredibly lucky both times that I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it.  I am sure someone was looking out for me up "there", wherever "there" is.


When I was in my last year of high school, I met a man, Mr T who was 5 years older than me.  This relationship lasted 2 and a half years with a further year added dragging it out getting back together and breaking up.  In those 3 and a half years, we used protection for the first couple of months, and I was not on the pill yet I never fell pregnant.  At first it was all a bit of a thrill, I admit, thinking we were pretty clever to avoid pregnancy.  After a while though, we began (well at least I did) to wonder why I hadn't fallen pregnant, and so every time I got my period, I'd spend the entire time hoping it would be my last.  Back then, I thought getting pregnant was as simple as "Insert tab A into slot B" and couldn't work out why it wasn't happening.  Eventually the relationship came to its final conclusion and within 3 or so months, I found out that Mr T had met another woman and she had fallen pregnant with his child.  I was devastated to hear this and drew the conclusion that I was unable to get pregnant.


Fast forward 3 years on, in another relationship with Mr J, who was very much older than me and I accidentally get pregnant.  After the shock wore off, the joy and excitement came, even more so when I found out that I was pregnant with twins.  That excitement and joy was short lived, though, when I had a missed miscarriage and lost both of them.  


I spent the following 2 years enjoying the single life, not knowing when I'd meet my knight in shining armour, or even *if* I'd ever meet him.  I can truly and honestly say that my 23rd year was a brilliant year and I was disappointed to turn 24 as I didn't think that I could ever have a year quite like the previous one.  Mind you, after everything that had happened when I was 22, I don't think it would have taken much to make my year as a 23 year old amazing.


Then, last year, I met the most amazing, loving, caring man that I have ever met.  The man whose body fits with mine, who can read my mind in much the same way as I can read a book.  Finally, a man where there are no rollercoaster rides of emotions, someone who does not screw me around.  I fell head over heels in love.  To read the VERY long version of this story, check it out here.


We decided late last year to start to try to make a baby Bella or a baby Sydney Boy and so far we haven't been successful.  I'm hoping and praying for a 2011 baby but hopes are running out fast now that we're already in February...