Winning the lotto

There's an old joke (and I'm not good at retelling jokes, so it's not going to be as funny as it could be) about a man.  Every night before he went to bed, he used to pray to God "Please God, please please please let me win the lottery".  He'd done this every night for years and years until one night, a big booming voice came from the sky "BUY A TICKET!".

I don't buy lotto tickets though, I've watched my mum and grandparents buy them all my life and rarely win anything (and if they did it'd be something like $20) so in my eyes, it's a big waste of money.  Yet I often joke about how I should've won the lotto and often think to this joke.  I think it's a good analogy on life in general.

I know that we haven't been trying 'that long' when you compare to others, but losing the weight, going to acupuncture, having sex, getting Sydney Boy onto the zinc and me taking the Vitex.... well, all of this to me is buying that lotto ticket in the baby lottery.

I say "baby lottery" because I like to think of having a baby as more to do with chance and luck than anything to do with karma.  If karma was involved, bad people would not get pregnant - accidentally or otherwise; and good deserving people would get pregnant easily, at the right time, without a glimmer of a sweat.  But a lottery, it's a game of chance and when you look at the science of conception, it really is chance that the sperm will make its way to the egg at exactly the right time and fertilise it.  And, let's face it, continually buying lotto tickets gets expensive, and so does various TTC 'tickets'...

So on this theory, surely the more tickets I buy, the more chances I have of winning the lottery sometime soon?

Acupuncture appointment

I had my acupuncture appointment yesterday.  I really was amazed by how little I felt the needles.  Yes, I know people say you can hardly feel them if at all but I really couldn't believe them - I thought it was one big conspiracy.

Anyway, we agreed to just acupuncture at this point without the herbs given the time we've been trying and the fact that she's also going to try and help fix some of the other issues my body seems to have (back problems, arthritis etc).

She felt my tummy and said it was particularly hard and should be soft.  By the end of the session, it was rather softer than she started - WTF?!?!

We've made weekly appointments starting in 2 weeks for a few weeks so hopefully that combined with the weight loss and Vitex should see some continuance of 28 day cycles and, hopefully.... a BFP.

Acupuncture and Zinc

This is now our 9th cycle and it really is getting too close to that 'magic' 12 month mark so any time now that my body decides to actually make a baby would be good...

Here's where we're at at the moment...

Sydney Boy has started taking some zinc stuff given he doesn't eat vegetables etc to get zinc to help his little spermies.

The Vitex seems to be working some magic on the wonky cycle front though:
Cycle 1 October: 39

Cycle 2 November: 27

Cycle 3 December: 37

Cycle 4 January: 24

Cycle 5 February: 28

Cycle 6 March: 36

Started taking Vitex here

Cycle 7 April: 30

Cycle 8 May: 28

So I'm hoping that if AF absolutely MUST show her horrible ugly and distorted face this month that she will do so on CD 28/9 and not some ridiculous day like CD30-something!

Tomorrow is CD14 so here's to hoping for a BFP this month or the next...

And of course, tomorrow I have my acupuncture appointment after work.  Fingers crossed.

My cousin had her baby

I've been bracing myself for this for months since I first found out she was pregnant.  I was so angry and jealous. Stricken with jealousy in fact.  She's a few years younger than me and her family have always been competitive with me.  They always have to be better or do better than me and it irritates me because then my competitive streak comes out (and I try to lock it in the cupboard as much as possible!).  It was bad enough when her brother got his girlfriend pregnant after being together for a couple of months (although their son is now 1 and they've just gotten married).  Their mother made sure to rub my nose in it.  They were wanting her to have a girl so that she could give our grandmother the first great grand daughter given her brother gave her the first great grand son.  

Turns out, she also had a boy, Harrison (which I'm peeved about because I like the bloody name!!!).  I couldn't help but feel so freakin' relieved.  One down, and one to go (I think the other cousin is due in Nov-ish).  Here's to hoping she has a boy too! lol

The jealousy of the fact she's gotten somewhere I haven't and the joy that it wasn't a girl quickly turned to guilt when I found out a day later that she has had fits since having the baby and spent most of Friday night unconscious.  They've done an MRI and they can't see anything wrong with her.  The doctors are baffled about what caused it.  Mum said she has lost sensation in her left side so I'm wondering whether a stroke or something was a possibility? 

So now I feel bad.  I obviously didn't cause or want this to happen to her, but fuck she could have died and here I was worrying that the freaking baby would be a girl.  I feel like the worst person in the world now.  

So bad in fact that I was prepared to drive the two hours to go see her in hospital (despite the competitiveness, she does seem to like me and look up to me according to my mum) and stop off on the way to pick up some baby stuff.  

The only reason I didn't was because it was raining, it's a long weekend which means double demerit points (not that I speed, or try too but I'm paranoid that the times I take my eyes off the speedo for a few minutes will be when the speed creeps up and I get done for speeding) and also because mum didn't really know where in the hospital my cousin was as she was getting the info second and third hand through my grandmother.  

I think if she is still in hospital next weekend (assuming the docs keep here there til they're satisfied she's not at risk of it happening again), I'll drive up and visit her.  Maybe the baby 'germs' will be catching and my uterus and eggs etc will go "oooooh so *that's* what I'm supposed to do" and make it happen for me.... and also I won't feel so guilty for being so jealous of her...

Hello from Brisbane - with an update

So it's been a couple of weeks since I last updated this blog, mainly because life has been so insanely crazy with organising to move interstate, and then the actual moving.  

Unfortunately I'm now another cycle down as AF arrived last week.  Although I'm obviously disappointed yet again, I'm pleased that my cycle was a 28 day cycle again.  I'm hoping that this means the Vitex is starting to weave it's magic.  If AF arrives this cycle (and let's pray she doesn't!), I'm hoping for another 28 day cycle as a sign my body is being normal finally.


My most exciting news is that I weighed in today to discover that I have lost another 3.2kg since I last weighed in 12 days ago.  So freakin' happy.  Even more exciting is that this brings me to exactly 15kg loss so far!!!! I almost can't believe it!!!!!!  If this doesn't make my body better for making babies and keeping them, well geez, I don't know what will.

I've also made an appointment with an acupuncturist here that, when googled, seemed to have a LOT of awesome reviews and a pretty high success rate.  I rang last week and couldn't get in til 21 June so I take it they're pretty popular (and therefore good at what they do).  The only downfall for that is that 21 June is CD14 exactly and I'm not sure whether they do any acupuncture on your first visit - does anyone who read my blog actually know?! But I'm thinking even if they did, it's probably not going to be much use for this cycle.  Bummer, but what can I do about it?!?! Not a great deal...


So hopefully, the equation of weight loss + Vitex + acupuncture + heatlhy eating + exercise + some good old fashioned hot BDing in our new bed = a BFP soon.  


Here's to hoping... 
xo

Raising money for Bears of Hope

I have just registered for the City 2 Surf and created a fundraising page to raise money for Bears of Hope Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support.

If you'd like to donate (no pressure of course!) especially with the end of financial year around the corner, you can go to this link for more info.

http://www.fundraise.city2surf.com.au/annmaree_findlay

xoxox

The story of the chocolate cupcake

I’m doing some temp work at the moment (until Friday) and my temp agency came into work this afternoon and she handed me a little box with a cupcake in it from the Cupcake Shop.

I didn’t want to be rude because it was nice of her to do so I accepted it.  After she left, I opened the box and looked inside.  A chocolate cupcake.  It looked delicious. 

I sat there at my desk and stared at the chocolate cupcake.  I smelt it (I’m sure if any of my work colleagues saw me, they would have thought I was nuts).  I closed my eyes and imagined how good it would taste, and how it would feel in my mouth.  I imagined how good I would feel eating it and satisfying the urge for chocolate, especially since I haven’t had any sort of junk now for 8 weeks.

I closed the box again and thought about how good it will feel tomorrow when I get a good number on the scales.  I imagined getting to my goal weight, and how freaking awesome I will feel.  I pictured getting that positive pregnancy test because I’ve lost so much weight, my body has gotten back to ‘my normal’ again.  I imagined how it would feel to get that far without eating any of this sort of unhealthy food.

I asked myself what would be more satisfying in the long run: the chocolate cupcake or a child?

I very promptly gave the chocolate cupcake to a work colleague who was more than willing to take it off my hands.  Neither she or anyone else could quite believe how anyone could give up a chocolate cupcake (or any cupcake for that matter).  They were in awe of my ability to give it away without a second thought (little did they know! Ha!).

Tonight when I got home, I went down to the gym in our building and burnt off that chocolate cupcake that I didn’t eat.  In fact, I burnt off almost 3 chocolate cupcakes that I didn’t eat - 581 calories (Based on MyFitnessPal which says the cupcake is worth 200 cals).

And might I say, I’m mighty proud of myself tonight. 

Cupcake - 0
Me - 1

11.1kg closer to getting that BFP (maybe more after tomorrow morning's weigh in!!!)